Someone once told me that my life would be made up of many different acts. Once I felt secure in one, it would be time to push into the next. Being the 110% kind of person, I have always tried to push fully into each act. Sometimes pushing things over and occasionally injuring myself. My childhood was full of dirt and adventures. Even in the worst of situations, I would find secret places to have private journeys into my imagination. As a teen/young adult, I worked hard at perfectly setting my life up for the American dream. As you can imagine, that girl came out smelling like roses, but did some real damage to her friends struggling all around her. In my young, married mommy act I aced the juggling that causes many women struggle. Well, on the surface at least. We won’t talk about the times where Ken had to pick me up while I lay in the closet crying and saying I was too tired to go to take on my next night shift as a hospice nurse. I was on PTA, my kids did every sport or activity they wanted and we read together every night (the hallmark of every good parent, right?). Seriously, I could not have tried harder.
This year, with my youngest completing high school and things rapidly changing in my ministry and work life I was FORCED into the green pastures of nothingness. There is no goal to blow away, no exam to pass, no one to impress. It is just me and God and He isn’t letting me go anywhere or achieve anything. SO…... I had a choice to either lay down in green pastures and enjoy the still waters, or fight with God. SO what did this type A choose? The most logical thing of course…. FIGHT. I created new resumes, updated my LinkedIn, did hours of job searching, applied for minimum wage positions, and signed up for several ministries. Guess what? All the doors were closed. After several months in the battle, I decided I was tired and finally looked God in the face. I saw His love for me in that moment. I realized that He accepts me just the way I am. I DO NOT need to do something great for him!
"The sweetest word of the whole is that monosyllable, 'My.' He does not say, 'The Lord is the shepherd of the world at large, and leadeth forth the multitude as his flock,' but 'The Lord is my shepherd;' if he be a Shepherd to no one else, he is a Shepherd to me; he cares for me, watches over me, and preserves me." (Spurgeon)
Every day I fight the urge to “do something of value”. I watch Ken kill himself at work while I do things that bring me life. I have lunch or coffee with friends, take yoga classes, indulge in my tea obsession, try new restaurants, go to movies in the middle of the day, do art for no reason and spend endless hours letting God tell me how much he loves me. THIS IS MY LIFE!
I am living the restorative life.
I’m living the dream.
I’m receiving a gift from the Good Shepherd.
I know this is only a season, so I am taking a big breath and learning to enjoy it. He is the creator of the universe and knows what my next act looks like. I am trusting Him. So, for right now, I am exactly where I need to be.
What act are you in right now? Are you trying to control your path or are you trusting The Shepherd to guide you?
I promise if you allow The Shepherd to guide you on His path, it will open up a world you never knew existed. You will be living life in the Overflow.